Monday night in Glendale, WI, right near the Illinois border, Daniel Markofsky a principal at a local Illinois elementary school was caught in a hotel room with two half naked girls, one 16 and one 15 from Wisconsin that he met on the internet.  Now in any other story, this would be the end of this tale and just be the starting points for endless parent teacher conferences, school board meetings and general jealous ire from NBC because it wasn't filmed on To Catch a Predator.  But, as they say, the devil is in the details, and in this case the details are apparently a early 90's rap video.


1. The principal was found out when an officer was walking past the hotel room and smelled pot coming from the room.  Upon further investigation, the three were smoking cigars that had been rolled with weed.  

2.  Upon entering the room, the officer found all three half naked with porn playing loudly on the TV.  Also, after talking to both girls, both said that Markofsky had asked them what movie they wanted to order, to which both asked for Alvin and the Chipmunks, but Markofsky bought porn instead.

3.  Markofsky along with the pot and porn brought with him wine coolers and... wait for it...cognac as the drink of choice.  Reports are unclear whether or not Gin and/or Juice had been finished off. To be fair, picking up 15 year old girls is really the only time a guy can drink wine coolers and not have it be the most embarrassing thing they are doing that night.  And its still close.

4.  While Markofsky had no sexual contact with the 15 year old, he did as the reports put it, "perform a sex act on the 16 year old" while the 15 year old girl watched.

5.  Oh, one other small detail, the two girls were sisters.


Thats right, cognac, cigars, porn and two underage sisters.  If his sexual act he "performed" in any way, shape, or form involves urinating, I'm not completely convinced he isn't R Kelly.  Either way when you look like this...



and you just got compared to R Kelly for your sexual escapades,






 really all one can say is... Bravo! Sure the underage thing is wrong, and the fact that he is an elementary school principal well thats extremely screwed up.  But going in he had to know he was ruining his career and life, so to pull it off with such bravado and style, well done sir.  There is definitely a needed amount of appall and concern, yet without the financial wherewithal of R Kelly behind him, how the hell did he pull that off? What could he have possibly said online to rope in underage sisters? Promises of wine coolers only go so far. And cognac?

 


For these reasons, and for what I can only imagine was the best written email of all time, Daniel Markofsky you sir are the Bullshitter of the Month.  Its the beginning of April and I can honestly say no one else is even in the running.  Congratulations!