We here at "BS of the Day" would like to respectfully offer a retraction and full apology for our article last week entitled "The Kids Ain't Right."  Under advisement from our families and newly hired security, we would like to address the following letter to kids around the world to hopefully bury the hatche...um poor choice of words...offer an olive branch so to speak in hopes that we can live together peacefully.

"Hey kids...don't really know what to say here.  I know last week we called you 'evil' and advised 'wiping you off the face of the earth'.  Haha we were just joking, you know, ha ha funny joke, no need to get all angry about it.  Or you can...um whatever makes you happy really.  Ha ha.  Did you want another ice cream? Because you've all been very good.  Yes you have.  There you go.  See...we kinda thought the whole Georgia thing was funny...really. All your little brains scheming to take down your teacher.  Funny little shenanigans, and to be fair, we kind of giggled at the thought of you crazy 3rd graders trying to tie down a grown-up, struggling like the Lilliputians on Gulliver.  You're so adult looking but not completely.  You seemed entertaining, like chimps.  But just like in Planet of the Apes, we heeded the warnings too late that you were hell bent on destruction. Then we saw Tyler Hemmert, the young boy in Vancouver, WA who survived this...

             


We, to be quite honest, just shit our pants.  You apparently mean business.

To make sure we got all the facts straight..this is what the newspapers reported:

"Tyler Hemmert said he and a friend were sitting on a park bench when another boy became angry with them and threw a knife at them, KPTV in Beaverton, Ore., reported. "When he threw it, we both ducked," said Nate Leach, Tyler's friend. "It just stuck him in the head." The butter knife became lodged in Tyler's head between his scalp and skull. "It, like, stung like a bee for a while," Tyler said."

While other people read this and laughed it off, we saw the two valuable lessons you clearly are trying to show us.  You are indestructible (stung like a bee for a while?!?) and even more terrifying, can throw weapons with pinpoint accuracy.  I mean, whichever kid threw that  (the police won't release his name...out of pure undeniable fear) not only threw a dull butter knife into someone's head but with enough accuracy to not pierce the skull.  We can't even open envelopes without tearing the letter and you somehow pierced up to the hilt of the knife the little area between the skin and the skull, which to be fair we didn't even know existed.

So its obvious we weren't taking you seriously enough...or your training films..

    




How the hell did you enlist Hulk Hogan already? How long have you been planning this? Alright, alright, we're asking too many questions.  Sorry.  But knowing that we aren't a quarter of the man the Hulkster is, we at "BS of the Day" are bowing to the inevitable.  Listen kids we're on your side.  Always have been really.  But we had to you know keep up appearances with other adults.  Not anymore though, now its whatever you say.  That toy you wanted...its yours.  Stay up past your bedtimes? Sure.  Waffles for dinner...why not?  Just please please don't hurt us."