Move over IPhone.  A new invention is finally out on the market that is greater than the TV, internet and even sliced bread combined.  The Robo-Girlfriend.  Yes for all those men out there who have been waiting anxiously for science to do away with the greatest human mystery, How to meet a Woman, the day has finally come where you can just go buy one.  Sure, the price tag is high ($175) and is actually much more than just going to get a prostitute, but a prostitute will only take care of that most primal need, human contact and meaningless sex, the Robo-Girlfriend however does neither of these but all the other things you would expect of a partner.

Says spokeswoman, Minako Sakanoue: "She's very lovable and though she's not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend." The list of things she can do like a real girlfriend include leaning in for a kiss when she senses a human body around (apparently the robo-girlfriend is a undiscerning whore), as well as sing and dance and ...."hand out business cards." (?) 


All of this sounds well and good.  I mean what man hasn't dreamed of a girlfriend that sings, dances and... hands out business cards.  And as Reuters reports "She is big-busted, petite, very friendly, and she runs on batteries."  I mean where's the downside? Oh there's a downside. Beyond the no-sex aspect of your Robo girlfriend, not to mention the cost, she runs a "petite" 15 inches tall. 

   

Basically you're now dating a motorized Barbie doll that dresses like a storm trooper and hands out business cards.  And generating business might be tough when potential clients see you making out with a GI Joe.  I mean who are we to judge, maybe this is exactly what you need to cure those lonely blues.  But before you buy and waste all that money that clearly needs to be spent on psychiatrists or the aforementioned whores, lets take a look at other products the company behind the Robo-Girlfriend, Sega Toys, makes...

well there's this...




and this....



and whatever the hell this is...

.

Frightening.

So maybe take the robot aspect out of it, and just factor in your new "girlfriend" coming from parents that also created a mind control device, a gay pony, and took the term Hello Kitty to mean impaling a cat head with an LCD screen.  Forget about intimacy, just fucking run.